Division of Responsibility: A Parent's Guide to Feeding

Estimated time to read 11 minutes

We never have mealtime battles. Said by no parent EVER! Whether your kid has picky eating tendencies or is just testing their independence and limits, we know mealtime battles can be a huge challenge for any parent.

But dang it, bribing, pleading, pushing, and threatening the child can make mealtimes even more stressful and can even promote unhealthy eating habits in the long term.

So what the heck are we to do? As it turns out, research has shown that there’s another way to approach mealtimes. It's called the Division of Responsibility feeding method. Pioneered by registered dietitian Ellyn Satter, it just might be the answer to your mealtime battles. It is a very simple concept that can be challenging to implement, but once you get the hang of it is so liberating! Read on for what it means, why it could be beneficial for both you and your little one, and how to implement this practice into your lives.

What is the Division of Responsibility?

Ellyn Satter's division of responsibility outlines what is the parent’s job, and what is the kid's job. She emphasizes that it is the parents' responsibility to provide healthy meals and snacks at regular times, and it is the child’s responsibility to decide what and how much they will eat. In short, the mantra is "I provide, you decide" or "Parents provide, kids decide".

The division of responsibility feeding method creates an atmosphere that respects the child's autonomy, development, and appetite. It encourages parents not to push food on children or use food as a reward or punishment. Instead, parents are encouraged to use non-food strategies to encourage appropriate behavior and to let their children learn to self-regulate their appetites to ensure healthy eating habits.

When Do You Need to Try the Division of Responsibility Feeding Approach?

When might the division of responsibility feeding approach work for you? Here are some scenarios:

1. Picky eaters: If a child is a picky eater, the division of responsibility feeding method may be useful in encouraging them to try new foods and expand their palate.
2. Mealtime battles: If mealtimes have become stressful and contentious due to power struggles between parents and children over what and how much to eat, the division of responsibility feeding method can help reduce tension and create a more harmonious atmosphere.
3. Overeating: If a child tends to overeat or consume unhealthy foods in large quantities, the division of responsibility feeding method can teach them to listen to their body's hunger and fullness cues and to make more balanced food choices.
4. Food-related anxiety: If a child has anxiety around food or eating, the division of responsibility method can help reduce stress and promote a more positive relationship with food.
5. General desire for healthy eating habits: Regardless of any specific challenges with food, parents may choose to try the division of responsibility method simply because they want to encourage healthy eating habits in their children and establish a positive relationship with food from an early age.
6. Stress: If you or your partner feel regular stress or fear around your child’s eating, and seem to want to control or micromanage their food intake.

Benefits of the Division of Responsibility Method

The division of responsibility method has a number of potential benefits:

Minimizes mealtime struggles and tension

When both parents and children are actively trying to determine what to eat at a meal, battles ensue. But when a parent first selects what they will offer and then a child is free to decide what and how much food to eat, the mealtime negotiation can eventually disappear.

Helps children eat a healthy diet

Because you, as the parent, provide options from which to choose, you can decide what to serve. That can include only healthy options. If foods of low nutrient value aren't available to eat, a child cannot eat them.

Fosters children's awareness of their appetite and fullness levels

When a child is given the autonomy to choose what and how much they want to eat, they can better listen to their natural hunger and fullness cues. They don't feel like they need to eat one thing to earn another, clean their plate, or take "just one bite" to try something.

Helps children understand how to manage snacks and treats

If a child is no longer able to snack on demand and instead knows that they will wait until their next meal or snack to eat, they will eventually stop the constant requests for snacks. Snacks or treats are no longer a negotiation.

Reduces Worry

Can help parents let go of fear and worries around their child’s eating so they can focus on other things.

Practicing Division of Responsibility: A Step-by-step

Parents’ jobs

Parents choose the what, when, and where to eat

It is the parent's job to decide what shows up on a child's plate, when they are offered their own food, and where the child is allowed to eat. This means that you can choose primarily healthy foods and only offer food at meal times or snack time.

Parents maintain regular eating times

It is up to the parents to establish regular meal and snack times. Consistency is key here. Children respond better when they are able to anticipate their opportunities to eat.

Parents demonstrate how to act during mealtime

Kids learn by observing, and that is true of meal times too. Encourage the whole family to model the behavior that you want your kids to learn at the dinner table.

Parents notice their children's preferences

Observe what your child eats so that you can learn their preferences for flavors, textures, and even how food is cut and the temperature at which it is served.

Parents avoid using food as reward or punishment

Data shows that teaching a child to eat for any other reason than because they are hungry can lead to unhealthy eating habits.

Parents heal their own foods issues

Many of us were not taught healthy eating habits and now have some kind of emotional, physical, psychological baggage around food.

Children’s jobs

Children choose what to eat, how much, and in what order

The child decides which foods to eat and how much food they want to eat. This sounds simple, but can be so hard to do!

Children can decide when they are satisfied and stop eating

Allowing kids to decide when they are finished helps them develop a healthy relationship with food by helping them learn to recognize their body's natural hunger and fullness cues.

Children learn how to wait between meals

Rather than an all-day buffet of snacks, children learn that meals and snacks come at periodic intervals.

Division of Responsibility Method: 6 Tips for Transforming Mealtime Into a Healthy, Positive Experience

1. Follow a regular schedule

Children thrive on routines, and that goes for meals too.

2. Provide a variety of food

Encourage children to try new foods, but do not force them. Offer a variety of healthy foods, and keep offering them even if they reject them the first few times.

3. Place something on the table that your children love

Balance out their plate and make them feel safe and comfortable in their eating environment by providing one of their favorite foods.

4. Resist the temptation to press

It can be tempting to encourage children to finish their plate or to "take just one bite", but resist the urge to get involved in their decision-making process.

5. Set the stage for an enjoyable eating experience

Help make eating times pleasant for everyone by setting up a positive environment.

6. Be patient!

Change doesn't happen overnight. The transition to this method can be difficult at times for both the parent and the child.

FAQ

1. What if my children don’t like the food I make?

The reality is that most children won't like all of the food you make, especially the first few times you offer it.

2. What if my children only liked one of the dishes I made?

Sometimes your child decides to eat only one of the items on their plate. Just let them decide; don't force or react.

3. What if my children say they are hungry between meals?

Your child may feel hungry between meals if they didn't eat much at the prior meal.

4. What if my children persist in consuming only one type of food?

Continue to offer small portions of different foods and consider reaching out to a feeding kids therapist if needed.

5. What if I think my child isn’t eating enough?

One day it may seem like kids eat very little, and another day they may seem like a bottomless pit. This is a good sign that they are listening to their body and eating only when truly hungry.

6. What if I think my child might have some sort of disordered eating?

Weird and unpredictable eating habits are normal for toddlers, but if you suspect your child is struggling, reach out for professional help.

7. What about dessert?

Regular dessert after every meal is not something we recommend introducing for your child.

8. What if my child will only eat “junk food”?

It’s up to you to provide a variety of foods, including some “junk food” if that is what feels safe for them.

9. What if they ask for more of a certain food on their plate?

You can choose to offer unlimited quantities of a particular food or tell your child that there is no more of a certain food available.